Have you
ever wondered, in your life you have your family, then friends, then comes that
someone special you longed to be with, but no matter how much you tried you
still feel like you are always standing alone without anyone all by your side. Did
you ever notice, your family is always trying to make you feel better, your
true friends always keeping you delighted and you’re that special one, well you
don’t have words for her, or him. Just like you I have a pretty supporting
family and amazing friends, but all I feel is left out because I am not
understood by others.
I once only
had a happy family where my dad would work, my mom would do the mom’s stuff and
I would do plain studying. Back then I deprived of friends it’s not that I had
much of the “friends” but I had different focus in life. Study was my prime
focus and I never regarded the need of friends. My life was simple listening to
teachers in school; coming back home and studying and finally getting awesome
grades, well according to me, and thus I lived to study. However, I never realized
which I did now, that even with all books around me, and a great family; I was
all but alone.
Then I grew
up, shifted places turned fourteen, when I actually realized how important it is
to know that studying is not the only thing one should do. I understood I was
the lonely, so I began. I began the search for friends. Even though you might
feel dumb thinking “what an idiot I am to find friends” but trust me, if you
never made friends before by yourself, you actually would find it difficult to
make even one and to sustain it. I would go around trying to make friends with
people, anyone to be honest, and luckily I ended up with a very nice old friend
of mine.
I felt
better to have one friend, than none, and trust me you don’t want to lose your best
friend, it’s horrible and I think you all should know how it feels. Through him
I met more friends, and made many friends and was rather happy to be with so
many people. I loved life then and was
too happy to be honest, though you would again laugh at me with the thought
that, what the heck am I? I am joyful to have made friend, I am stupid. But that’s
who I am, so deal with it.
But then
again, I would often feel the case of being different than others, a difference
which would cause me to dislike the company of many and feel uncomfortable with
many. I started finding it weird to be
with some of my friends, for now I felt I had too many to handle. I would leave
myself out of the conversations and company of many by myself and thus feel
lonely and ended up Alone, well with few very good friends.
Then I made
a small mistake with huge troubles for later part. And you know the mistake,
well you can easily guess, I gave into love. Don’t know how or why but it just
happened that I madly started loving a girl who I never even talked to. I guess
I am stupid but whatever it is I ruined it since then. At first I didn’t know
that it would have ruined it for me, but gradually as it grew intense I became
more and more mad.
Then finally
one friend came along with the same interest as me and I came down to my ruins.
This was the beginning of my end. Since I am bad at mingling he won her over me,
in no time and I came to a disastrous emotional breakdown. Since then, I simply
gave up hope and lost interest in every single thing. It was less of a choice
than a gradual change. Thus I changed again. In search for love, I start hating
myself, that friend in competition of mine and gradual many others. I always
hated hard and rash people, and I ended up being one of my enemies therefore,
hating myself.
Quite
recently, I had intense love for her that I couldn’t take it anymore and so I finally
confessed my love for her, which did not quite end up as expected from my point
of view. But this did help me to realize that I should move on and not keep on remembering
the old thoughts. Though she was my friend and that she quite as well knew I liked
her from before, I decreased my interactions with her and improved my miserable
conditions. But a major shock I got was quite recently which included her and
this time it became deadly. This time, one of my very close friends informed me
that they both were interested in each other and got closer than normal
already, which left me in pieces. And now, even my closest friends are no more
close to me, and I am detaching from everyone around me. Thus, I ended up all
the same alone again, with a family, friends and an interest in someone.
I had once started off, from being alone and to
go on to make some great friends. But now I am gradually depriving of friends
again and ending up lonely again all the same as I was few years ago. The only
difference was that before I at least studied and had enough interest to focus
on my future and career, but now all is lost for nothing is interesting or
useful anymore for me. So I ended up where I started and with added hopelessness.
However, one of friends once told me to make me feel better that “Dude if now
you have hard times, then great moments are not far away, so keep having faith”.
With this I still keep my hope and faith in destiny and wish that someday, the
sun will rise for me and I would also have a much more cheerful morning and be
happy for once.
